Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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