he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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