i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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