trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
