Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Randomize
