Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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