I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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