I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
