I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
