he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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