Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Randomize
