He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
