I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
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I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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