i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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