Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
