Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
