Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
