A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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