thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
