i just had sex bonerless
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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