We're like a lot better than the average bears
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
