dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
