i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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