I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
