My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
