It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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