watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
