but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
