see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
