Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
