I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
