i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
And then he peed in my hair
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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