My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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