I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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