Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
