You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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