How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
