He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize