i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
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