i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I will be naked everywhere
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
