shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
