Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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