Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
