how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
