Apparently you make a good broom.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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