We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
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She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
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I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
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