I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
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While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
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I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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