I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
