In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
