I think I won the penis lottery.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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