Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
