You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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