I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
