I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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