Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
