If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
