So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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