So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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