Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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