I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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