brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
