he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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