is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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