i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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