So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
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He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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