forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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