Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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