Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
