you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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