it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
