You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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