return my video game
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
