The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
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Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
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I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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